Becomes Headmistress!
by jamc91
Summary: Yes. Just 'Becomes Headmistress'. You'll have to read it to find out WHO does! Muahahahahahaha! Mild, mild criticism accepted. No flames.


**-Becomes Headmistress!-**

(A/N: I hate this. But read it anyway.

Now, what am I going to write?)

**Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize belongs to me.**

**

* * *

**Ho hum. 

Ginevra Molly Weasley was bored.

Really bored.

Really, really bored.

Really, really, really bored.

I think you get the picture.

She was currently slumped on a couch in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the fire, which was starting to flicker and die.

The fire flickered and died, leaving Ginny in darkness.

Well, not complete darkness, because there were windows. But almost darkness, anyway.

It was dark enough that she didn't see the figure creeping up behind her.

No, the figure did not clamp a hand over her mouth to muffle her screaming and break out through the window, stupidly killing himself and Ginny because Gryffindor Tower is really really tall.

No, the figure did not clamp a hand over her mouth to muffle her screaming and destroy the common room, looking for a way to escape but finding none because he was so freaking stupid to make so much freaking noise and waking everybody up and get killed by Harry thereby saving Ginny who confessed his love for Harry and got married to him and lived happily ever after and didn't pay attention to his son James, who they named after Harry's dead father because they had no imagination, killing Voldemort with a simple 'Abracadabra' from his toy wand from his toy magic set which scared Voldemort so much because he naturally thought, rather clichéd-ly, that James would be really really powerful because he was Harry Potter's son and be able to perform magic at the age of three and getting scared to death because he thought James had said 'Avada Kedavra' because Voldemort had really bad hearing because he was so freaking old and THEN Harry and Ginny and James and everybody else living even MORE happily ever after but not for long because they killed everyone in the entire world with their sappiness.

(A/N: I cannot believe that entire paragraph, which was one sentence, was not a grammar mistake, according to Microsoft Word.)

No, the figure didn't even touch Ginny. The figure just stood there.

And stood there.

And stood there.

And stood there.

And stood there.

And stoooooooood theeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrre.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

The figure gave up Ginny for dead and left her, traipsing up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

But Ginny wasn't dead.

No, Ginny was just bored.

Really bored.

Really really bored.

Really really really bored.

How many times do I have to say it???

Darn, now I forgot where I was.

Ah, yes.

No, that's not right.

Yes, it is.

No.

Yes.

No, it isn't.

Yes.

No.

Hmm.

Oh. Right. Ahem.

Ginny was really, really, reallyreallyreally bored.

Yep.

Suddenly Ginny gave a start and screamed, running upstairs to the safety of her bed.

The thunder and lightning laughed evilly and exchanged high fives.

Then it started raining.

Yes, that's right.

Ginny shivered under the covers, listening to the rain.

Then she fell asleep.

Suddenly Draco Malfoy, yes, that guy, that evil guy, yeah, who has many many - shudder - fangirls, almost all of which I'd want to strangle, Homer Simpson style, except until they were actually dead, if I ever met them until they were dead for being so - shudder - fangirlish.

Oh yes.

Yeah, then Draco suddenly appeared.

Then Hermione starts berating me. _You can't Appparate or Disapparate inside Hogwarts! Haven't you read Hogwarts: A History?_

No, I haven't, Hermione, as a matter of fact.

_Well you should!_

Shut up.

Anyway.

Right.

So Draco, having worn a Invisibility Cloak all the way from the Slytherin Dungeons to Gryffindor Tower, (A/N: -sticks out tongue at Hermione, who huffs exasperatedly-) gazed affectionately at Ginny. Or the lump under the covers that was supposed to be Ginny, anyway, which Draco confirmed when he lifted the blanket and stared some more.

He brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen into her face (A/N: That happens in EVERY SINGLE FREAKING ONE OF THOSE FREAKING SAPPY ROMANCE FICS, and for all you know I might have copied and pasted that) and sighed sappily. For all (of them) are victims of sappiness cursed upon them by FREAKING SAPPY FREAKING GRAMMATICALLY FREAKING INCORRECT FREAKING FOOLS.

Then just as he was about to do something equally, if not more so, sappy, I killed him, and all of his fangirls, too. I quietly cackled evilly, so as not to waken the others and so disturb the flow of the story, and disappeared.

_I TOLD YOU –_

Oh do shut up, I've got author's omnipotence. And I'll kill you too, if you don't stop bugging me.

…Good.

Then I killed everyone.

No, that'd be waaaaayyyyy too much work for me. Nah, I'll be nice. Sort of.

* * *

**A farewell letter, quickly written before the potion wears off: **

_**Written with Magic Dictation Quill**_

_Dear everyone,_

_Hi. I am not in a good mood today. Try not to take this seriously, -coughprofessorsnapecough-._

_Ahem._

_Go to he – LLO, Professor McGonagall! How are you today? Very nice weather we're having, isn't it? So…er…to what do I owe this pleasure of seeing you -cough cough cough-? Sorry, I seem to have quite a bad cold, -cough ack splutter-. Perhaps you should go now, I might be contagious, cough cough. Yes, I'll see you later, better take my -cough- syrup now…have a nice -cough- day._

_Well, glad that's over with. Nosy b – ICE! Filch? What? Bice? Oh er yes, we seem to have a very troublesome infestation of, er, bice. Yes. No, not mice. Bice are very close relations to mice, though. Perhaps you should go and, er, take care of that? I'm sure we would all be very grateful. Yes, thank you. Goodbye._

_Geez. What's it take to get some peace around here?! BU – GS! Hello, Profe…_

_-very loud scream, followed by crash bump ouch bang OW SH – OOT STUPID STAIRS I'LL KILL YOU I'LL GET YOU I SWEAR-_

_Er. Well, that was quick. I had no idea Professor Snape was scared of bugs. Even though he is Potions professor. You know, that's the kind of thing that might ruin his career._

_Hmm._

_That's an idea._

_Oddly enough, this has cheered me up. Well, I guess I don't need to tell you to go to h – i, Professor Snape. How nice to see you again._

_-much loud yelling-_

_Okay. Okay. I see. Well, I am quite sorry now, let me give you a present to make up for it…_

_-sound of drawer being opened-_

_It's nice, isn't it? Yes, go ahead, open it…_

_-more screaming, followed by slam ouch trip crash crash crash bump ouch splat oh dear…-_

_I knew you'd come in handy someday…now, well, I guess you've earned your freedom…go on home, little ant…_

_Now I forgot what I was going to say._

_Oh well._

_Guess I'll wait for this Polyjuice to wear off now, and go wake up Dumbledore…he really should be more on his guard, you know. But I guess even HE could not defeat my AUTHOR'S OMNIPOTENCE._

_MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Have a nice day._

_Jamc91 (only an alias)_

_The best Headmistress ever  
_

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(A/N: Once again I have chickened out of writing romance. 

Anyway.

Now, who was that figure who was creeping up behind Ginny? Hmm.

I wonder if anyone can guess.)

**Disclaimer: The idea for the 'Magic Dictation Quill' came from 'Barry Trotter and the Unauthorised Parody' by Michael Gerber.**


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